I moved to the United States from Armenia in my early twenties. Back then, I was immersed in the world of TV-hosting and acting and was determined to continue that path in my new home. For some reason, I had convinced myself that that was the right career for me.
With education playing a big part in my life, I immediately enrolled in professional acting classes in Los Angeles, with the intention of doing everything properly and professionally.
Yet, with every audition, every role I secured or every show I hosted, a nagging emptiness persisted in my chest - I knew I wasn’t doing what I was meant to do.
Somewhere along the way I began to question myself. Perhaps it was that sense of emptiness, the loss of my true self, or comparing myself to others that convinced me that I wasn't enough, that I needed to be more, and that the transformation should begin with changing the way my body looked.
I felt empty...
I delved into the world of fitness and diets:
counting calories, tracking macros, and meticulously watching my every bite became the norm.
I was losing weight, but with that I was also losing my happiness and, most importantly, my health. Food, exercising, and the number on the scale became obsessions and drew me down the path of an eating disorder.
Dieting, binge eating, emotional eating, self-loathing, purging – this became the vicious cycle I found myself trapped in and thought I could never get out of. I felt absolutely crazy. Food had consumed my thoughts and my life and so did feelings of shame, guilt, and isolation. For a long time I struggled in silence, thinking I was the only person in the world who struggled with this.
One day after yet another binging episode, I buried my head in my arms, feeling utterly disarmed and numb. At that moment, I knew something had to change. This couldn't be my reality; there had to be a way out. So, I made a choice – I embarked on a journey of recovery.
My healing journey truly began when I delved into the science behind the struggles we face with food, especially from a mental perspective. It was here that I finally found the answers to my battle.
Books became my first advisors. To understand why I was acting the way I was, I pored over titles such as "Brain Over Binge" by Kathryn Hansen and "The Neuroscience of Addiction" by Francesca Mapua Filbey which revealed to me the behavioral aspect of health, how brain was connected to body, and how everyday actions affected the mind. I realized that I wasn’t crazy, I didn’t lack willpower or self-discipline, and I wasn’t alone in this struggle.
Therapy played a pivotal role in my journey towards transformation. I acquired brain-based tools and techniques to rewire my behavior around food. I came to realize how significant a role patience and compassion could play in changing behavior – and how that was the hardest but most important step. I would eventually discover Dr. Libby Weaver, a role model and a virtual mentor-instructor who would build upon my understanding of health with a critical layer of scientific context.
When I got to the point where I no longer felt the impulse or urge to binge, I knew I was onto something incredibly effective. I felt a deep conviction that I had to help other women who were struggling in the same way I was. Excited with making the first steps in my recovery and wishing to learn more, I enrolled in the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, becoming a certified holistic health coach, and studied Nutrition Science at Stanford University.
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I have been working with hundreds of women from all over the world helping them break free from the toxic diet culture, learn and understand their body's signals, explore intuitive eating and develop habits that serve their physical and mental health.
No matter how long you've wrestled with these challenges, what methods you've tried, or your age, there is a way out. You can retrain your brain and navigate this struggle.
My journey, amongst many, is a testament to that.